Andrew Reviews: Play it Again

"Artist:" Luke Bryan (featuring no one. Thank the Lord.)
Chart Position at time of writing: 20 (Peak: 14)
This video best viewed with a gun pointed at your speakers: Link.

Before you attempt to defend this song with the usual argument: Read this.

Review: Is it too harsh to say that modern country music has become a flavorless paste hurled into the mouths and ears of the American people by artists who are either clean-cut brown-haired pretty boy punchouts or generic blondes, all of whom are utterly indistinguishable from one another? Yes, it probably is too harsh to say that, but it's closer to the truth than anyone in Nashville would care to admit.

So here we have a generic country song by a generic country singer about generic country things--it got highly favorable reviews from the country press. Let's see if we can find out why! Go, lyrics, go!

She was sittin' all alone over on the tailgate.

True story: I picked this song after one of our final exams. A student was standing over my shoulder and she said "Oh, that song isn't as bad as most country." I'd never heard the tune nor had I read the lyrics, so I challenged her--I asked how long it took for the song to mention trucks, beer, or use the word "girl.*" We then looked up the lyrics. It took us 1 line. Off to a great start.

Furthermore, whose truck is this? Hers? If not, it seems awful rude of this woman to sit on some random stranger's truck, since she "ain't got no" boyfriend. (See below.) In fairness, this song only has two writers, neither of whom are Luke Bryan, so it's possible that everyone just forgot that detail.

Tan legs swingin' by a Georgia plate.

Anyone else having "Cruise" flashbacks? I'm having "Cruise" flashbacks. They're not that bad once you lose your will to keep breathing. Eventually you black out, wake up, and the song is over and all you've lost are a few thousand brain cells and 3 and a half minutes of your life. So it's a lot like listening to the song, but with less brain damage.

I was lookin' for her boyfriend
Thinkin' no way she ain't got one.

I'm really not sure what direction to go with these lines. Are attractive women required to have boyfriends at all times? If they do, are those boyfriends supposed to be with them at all times? Is the context of this song a party? Because the video provides no help at all, it's just a generic video advertising how fun it is to go to a Luke Bryan concert, which seems a bit Triumph of the Will-ish to me.

So, if it's not a party and she's just sitting on the tailgate of a random truck, it's a fair bet that she has no boyfriend. Or he is dead, because she has killed him and used the truck for body disposal. Ideally, this song ends with Luke Bryan being stabbed because he picked up this random girl based on her legs, but (SPOILER!) that is not how the song ends.

Soon as I sat down I was fallin' in love 

Well, at least he's committed to being completely shallow. There's nothing wrong with immediate physical attraction. But to say you're "falling in love" from the second you sat down is inaccurate. You may, however, be falling in lust, which requires minimal effort, so it should be right up this song's alley.

Tryin' to put a little sugar in her Dixie cup.

This is either the worst intentional sexual innuendo I have ever read or the best unintentional sexual innuendo I have ever read.

Talkin' over the speakers in the back of that truck
She jumped up and cut me off

While the remainder of the song attempts to bear out the lady's love of the unnamed tune, I have an alternative interpretation of these lines: 30 seconds of shouting with Luke Bryan over whatever mediocre music was playing on the back of the mystery truck was too much for our leggy potential serial killer, so she decided that the next tune that came on the radio would be "her song," just to make him shut up.

She was like, "Oh my God, this is my song

Anyone else feel like they're listening to some frat douche telling the tale of one of his sexual conquests? In case you don't, listen to the song (unpleasant, I know) and pay special attention to the way Mr. Bryan sings that line.

I been listening to the radio all night long
Sittin' 'round waitin' for it to come on, and here it is."

I want to guess what the song is! It's probably some new-wave awful country. But I like to think that it's a wild card. Like the Ludacris classic "Area Codes".

She was like, "Come here boy, I wanna dance."

You know, my serial killer joke is actually much less funny in the context of these lines. I am legitimately afraid for Luke's life if he keeps seeing this woman. She is terrifying.

'Fore I said a word she was takin' my hand.

OK, "dance" and "hand" don't rhyme. Dance and pants, however...

I should be a songwriter.

Spinnin' me round 'til it faded out
And she gave me a kiss.

Forced dancing and a "willing" kiss. This song may be a cry for help. It's entirely possible that "jumped up and cut me off" will take a much darker tone if he dates this woman.

And she said, "Play it again, play it again, play it again."

OK, she has literally no interest in him. She liked the song, she has no hair or eye color, she has had nothing mentioned about her personality at all. This woman is not a woman. She is a prop in the song. Her features through the lyrics of the ENTIRE 4 MINUTE PIECE OF MUSIC can be boiled down to: a) nice legs, b) likes unnamed song. I own t-shirts with more personality than this girl is given by the lyrics.

And I said, "Play it again, play it again, play it again."

Little known fact, Luke Bryan is actually 33% parrot due to a mixup at the factory where they make the boring cardboard cutout country singers. Miranda Lambert is 20% hyena for the same reason.

Fortunately, we have arrived at the second verse. Unfortunately, there is a second verse.

I'd 'a gave that DJ my last dime,
If he woulda played it just one more time

In 2014, it's highly unlikely that a DJ will play the same song twice in a row unless he's trying to get himself fired. However, I think Luke has (unintentionally, of course) stumbled upon the future of music. Since most Top 40 stations have approximately 8 songs in their library at any given time, and since that number is declining by the day it seems, it's entirely possible that by 2020, all stations will just play the same tune over and over again. "My song" will be everyone else's song too. Which is just what President Cyrus will want.

But a little while later we were sitting in the drive in my truck.

Unrelated to the last lines, but it does further the mystery of the original truck. Because here, Luke describes the truck they're in as "my truck." But the truck at the end of the first verse was "that truck." So was the original truck where the song played hers?

Because now they're in his truck, which means we must assume that the other truck is sitting in the field, no doubt being dusted for prints by the GBI, since they found a body nearby. The corpse appeared to have been beaten to death with a can of Bud Lite and a copy of Ludacris's Word of Mouf was found in the vicinity. Investigators suspect the victim's ex-girlfriend of the killing and urge any pretty boy country singers with jacked up trucks and minimal brain activity to stay indoors, away from windows and forced dances.

'Fore I walked her to the door, I was scannin' like a fool
AM, FM, XM, too.

All this technology and neither one of you thinks to download the song on your phone and plug it into the speakers with an audio jack? Or stop by a Wal-Mart and buy the CD? Or call a station and request the song? Wouldn't that have been a more romantic gesture than randomly searching for a song on a medium you can't control? I know radio's pretty predictable (let's face it, this girl's "song" is a Top 40 hit that will be forgotten about in a week, just like her ex-boyfriend) but it's not that predictable.

But I stopped real quick when I heard that groove.

"Groove" eliminates most genres from our "What effing song is he talking about?" competition. No one describes any modern music as "groove" anymore. This leads me to conclude that her song is none other than the "Theme from Shaft" which is a remarkably good choice for someone who appears to be willingly locking lips with Luke Bryan.

Man you should have seen her light up.

Faint hope, but what are the odds this line has a double meaning and the mystery song is Afroman's "Because I Got High"? 

The chorus loops through again. Apparently the girl can't believe that the song came back on, despite pop & country radio having a near-miraculous propensity for repeating the same songs 50 times a day. They also dance in the headlights of Luke's truck. Any chance he left the thing in drive and it crushed both of them?

No? Fine, let's go to the bridgey-thingy.

The next Friday night we were sitting out under the stars

Away from all potential witnesses, no doubt. 

You should have seen her smile,
when I broke out my guitar.

If the video is to be believed, Luke does not play his own guitar, but he instead brought along some other dark haired dude to play guitar for him. No shame in that. One of my best friends once offered to follow me around on dates, hide in a bush and pop out with his acoustic guitar while playing Sixpence None the Richer's hit "Kiss Me." We never actually did that, mostly because it would have probably led to me getting slapped, Maced, or slap-Maced. One can only hope one of those things happens to Luke Bryan.

The repetitive chorus repeats again, making these last lines even more problematic. We're left to assume that my entire last paragraph is absurdist nonsense and that Luke brought his own guitar. So how the heck are they going to dance to a song that he's playing? What song is it? Whose truck was that at the beginning? Will this woman's reign of terror ever be stopped?

None of these questions are answered, but the song is over. We'll call that an even trade.

Recommended Alternative Listening: Well, let's see. The song is simultaneously boring and painful, but there's a lot of options here: David Allan Coe's "You Never Even Called Me By My Name" is a wonderful sendup of all the useless stereotypes of country music. Patsy Cline's "Crazy" was penned by Willie Nelson and is actually worth a twirl on the back of a pickup. If you'd like something more modern but not so stereotypical, I highly recommend Hayes Carll. "Grand Parade" is a good example: it's a love song like this one that somehow manages to be sweeter, sound different than everything else, and it doesn't mention a truck. Here's a song mocking country's massive love of trucks. Alternately, if you liked this song and hated my review, just turn on country radio. There's probably a good-looking brown haired guy or blonde girl singing a song you'd just love.

*--Explanation here.